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Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon (Video Game Review)


Welcome to a vision of the future circa the 1980’s. Set in a dystopian 2007 after a nuclear holocaust, cyber commando Sergeant Rex is sent to a mysterious island to stop the psychotic Colonel Sloan from bathing the world in a second nuclear fire. Your mission, should you choose to accept it: rescue the dame, kill every fucking living thing in your way, save the world. Kill them all, Rex. Kill them all.



I must confess my ignorance with the Far Cry series. Before playing Blood Dragon, I had never played a single title from the series. They just never really called to me. The only reason I played this one was because I got it for free with the Xbox Live Games With Gold rewards program. Man, was I missing out.


As a cinephile and all around fan of 80’s culture, this was almost a perfect experience for me.This game was like getting shot by ten billion volts of lightning through the tip of my penis. It was that crazy, that invigorating.


I apologize for my lewd language, but this review is mostly going to be comprised of me foaming at the mouth as I hungrily chow down on this game’s meatsickle. This game bleeds the 80’s. The plot is nonsensical and is mostly there to service your own badassery as a cyber commando. Hope you like the way MacGuffins taste cause this game is chalk full of them. It doesn’t really matter when your writing is so perfectly tongue in cheek and your game has giant neon dinosaurs that shoot lasers from their fucking eyeballs.


You’ll be picking out 80’s references out of every nook and cranny, and you’ll love the game even more for it. Michael Biehn(Terminator, Aliens, etc.) delivers his lines as Rex with a gritty, composed voice that is balanced out by the absurdity of his lines.Some of my favorite easter eggs were Predator quotes turned into mission titles or the sewer full of pizza loving mutated turtles.


Searching around a level for collectibles has never really been my cup of tea. However, the dossiers and excerpts written by the developers were so hilarious that I collected every collectible and every weapon mod in the game. Some the mods are crazy, like a quadruple barrel shotgun that fires incendiary rounds. By the end of the game, you are an overpowered badass who can kill a Blood Dragon within forty-five seconds. The game is also refreshingly short and can be fully completed within seven hours.


The music was so on point, it was disgusting. I haven’t heard music this complimentary to its material since Daft Punk’s Tron Legacy soundtrack. Ubisoft Montreal did right in letting Powerglove in on this project. I’ve already thrown some of the tracks into my writing playlist and am listening to it even as I write this review.

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon Power Core-

The best kind of gaming tracks bring you back to specific moments during your time with the game, triggering the memory of a particularly grueling boss fight or tender moment between characters. Sexy synth saxophone, baby-making track? Oh yeah, it’s in there.


 My one complaint has to do with the initial levels. The developers decided to mess around with the tutorials and use it as a punch line. I thought it was hilarious and a laugh well earned, but you are thrown into the thick of it before you get your bearings. I think it was their intention to make the player feel underpowered, but I wasn’t even sure I was into the game until I started to explore the open world aspect of it.

I might not have given the game the chance it deserves because I felt overwhelmed. This was my first Far Cry and I hadn’t fully obtained a handle on the controls, but I was thrown into a scenario throwing wave after wave at me. Not a huge deal, but that overwhelming feeling might have turned more casual gamers away from a fantastic game.


All in all, Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is a fantastic game. It’s one that I would place among my favorite shooters, not necessarily because of game mechanics, but for how perfectly 80’s this game is. It’s easily one of the most fun shooters I’ve played because it revels in its absurdity. I had the biggest shit-eating grin permanently plastered to my face for the final chapters of the game because you finally get to see how deep this wonderfully crafted, retro rabbit hole goes. I look forward to replaying the game sometime in the future.

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